The Disappeared Arc

I have to say, this arc has so far been my favorite of the season. It was truly a blast. 

SPOILERS AT YOUR OWN RISK

The Birth of the Hateboy Nation: Eli Roth

It's difficult to pinpoint exactly when certain historical events happen. For example, It's difficult to say exactly when the French Revolution came to an end. Some Historians say it ended when Napoleon was crowned Emperor of France, while others assert that it didn't end at that point because France had Monarchs  after the end of Napoleon's rule. In a similar fashion, it's difficult to pinpoint the birth of the Hateboy movement. Some will argue that it all started in 1997, when fans went to see the Special Editions, and they were angered by the changes George Lucas made, in particular the whole ''Han Shot First'' stupidity. Others might say that it really wasn't born until the internet united the haters and made them a powerful force. Regardless of when this Weapon of Mass Destruction was born, it's important to note that perhaps the people most influential in dispersing the seeds of this movement, either intentionally or unintentionally, where the critics who reviewed The Phantom Menace. We know that Roger Ebert liked Phantom Menace,  but other critics like Peter Travers from Rolling Stone didn't. But what most people don't know is that one of the earliest reviews of the film came from none other than Eli Roth, director of horror and violent films, since it was published before the film was ever opened to the public. In several ways, Eli Roth is one of the founding fathers of Hateboy Nation. The term Hateboys, however, was coined several years later by the blog A Certain Point of View.net. 

Once notorious hateboy Mike Ryan from the Huffington Post unearthed this review, We can now see more clearly some of the ''genesis'', the reasons why most hateboys didn't like the prequels and why several at the end of the day, don't really like Star Wars. 

Let's see how it starts: 

Few films in history have had greater anticipation than The Phantom Menace. People have been waiting on line for over a month to get tickets. I know I have been waiting since 5th grade, following every rumor in "Starlog" and on the Internet. So here's the kicker: IT SUCKS. I'm sorry, it does. I know it's sacrilege to criticize George Lucas or the Holy Grail of movie trilogies, but after waiting 16 years I can honestly tell you this film is an unbelievable disappointment. People may say that waiting 16 years for anything will be a disappointment, but I waited 16 years to get laid and that really lived up to all my expectations. Okay, I'm lying, I didn't get laid until I was 18, but you get my point.

Really Eli Roth? Really? Comparing the experience of watching a Star Wars film to sexual intercourse is the lowest form of male primate ritual. Any Star Wars fan that truly loves the films knows that the Star Wars experience is one of pure connection with your soul. It's not a love affair, it has absolutely nothing to do with that. Any person who gets married because they think it's a very long love affair will be divorced very soon, because they all end in disappointment. So in truth, it's no wonder Eli Roth makes this comparison: he probably wasn't enamored with Star Wars in the first place. 

Let's start with the first problem of the movie, the title. What does it mean? I have no idea. Having seen the film, I still have no idea. I'm guessing it's a reference to Anakin Skywalker, but your guess is as good as mine.

This proofs he probably never understood the film in the first place. George Lucas managed to fool him into thinking that Palpatine and Sidious are two different persons, hence the title of the film.

At this point I realized that Han Solo and Chewbacca wouldn't be appearing any time soon, and I got a bit worried. It wasn't the fact that half the film was computer generated and it was starting to look more like A Bug's Life than Star Wars, it was the embarrassing dialogue that Lucas wrote.

The whole argument against Lucas with the ''bad dialogue'' makes you think that they never paid attention to the dialogue of the previous films. It's not meant to be Shakespeare, it's meant to sound big and epic and so forth. How could Han Solo show up if he was just a baby? Weren't we supposed to see a different story? Simply because Chewie doesn't show up, it doesn't mean its a bad film. After all, the Star Wars universe is pretty big. Apparently Eli Roth didn't bother to notice that the film was shot in Tunisia and in Italy, for Tatooine and Naboo, nor did he realize that Coruscant had to be CGI because their was no other way around it. So anyway, that argument is completely invalid. 

Imagine the worst aspects of Jedi--the Ewoks--exploited in mass form and forced upon you throughout the entire film. I was cringing every second Jar Jar was on screen.

And yet Eli Roth said that he loved the Ewoks recently, in the Return of Return of the Jedi video. Is he just making up excuses simply because the prequel hatred bandwagon is based out of emotion and not facts? 

In Phantom Menace, when a ship crashes during a race, an ESPN-type announcer says "I don't care what planet you're from, that's gotta hurt!" Is that supposed to be funny? Whereas the previous films were based heavily on Greek mythology, this film is based on popular culture.

Again, Eli Roth ignores the fact that Episode I is the most influenced by Akira Kurosawa's The Hidden Fortress, as he ignores that Anakin's early stages of his hero journey is very similar to Luke's. So much for Joseph Campbell, whose influence is as much, if not more, visible in this film than in A New Hope. What about the virgin birth? What about Darth Maul, who clearly resembles Satan? And what about Qui-Gon? Did nobody notice how similar he is to Obi-Wan in Episode IV? I could go on.

And finally, Eli Roth's prediction of the future comes true, to a certain extent at least: 

I was so angry after the film I wanted to punch someone in the face. I was tempted to go to Hollywood Boulevard, outside Mann's Chinese Theatre, and scream to the crowd who have been sleeping outside since March: "It sucks. Go home. Go back to your non-existent lives! It sucks!" I have a feeling that there will be riots in the streets when this film comes out. Star Wars fans will be so shocked and appalled that they will harass George Lucas into seclusion, and he'll get so pissed off he'll just say "fuck it" and chuck the whole thing. Or he could play it smart and stick to writing the story and leave the dialogue to people who actually know what they're doing.

What is true is that for the years that followed, a small but annoying group of ''fans'' have been doing everything in their power to discredit George Lucas and his films. The funny thing is that the guy who prophecied everything is apparently no longer a hateboy anymore. At the same time that this got unearthed, Mike Ryan contacted Eli Roth, and he has some things to say that distinguish him from the guy who wrote this review in 99. 

I wrote that review very much in the style of my all time favorite movie review, which Steve Martin wrote in his book "Cruel Shoes" as a 'rejected New Yorker submission' reviewing "Alien," where he admits to falling asleep in the film and not remembering anyone's names. I knew Jordan Hoffman from NYU and had written a screenplay for him when he was working for Andrew Lauren (son of Ralph, who was producing at the time), and so Jordan asked me to write that and credited me as "Hollywood screenwriter," despite the fact I had never done anything in the business. I didn't really worry about making enemies because I was dead certain nobody I mention in the review would ever read it. Oops. Now I know the people at Skywalker and they're so nice and invite me to all kinds of Star Wars events, but I'm guessing that now that you've unearthed this treasure I won't be on their Christmas list, despite my enduring love for Star Wars.  

Now I look back at that review and all I can say is, I'm so happy I have a life now. Having received similar scathing reviews (and worse ones), I read it and laugh and realize that the only crime against cinema was getting that upset at a movie that was never intended for me. I've met so many young people who love the "new" Star Wars films, because that's who they were made for. Thinking that George Lucas made "The Phantom Menace" for me is symptomatic of my entire generation who grew up with Star Wars, because as kids in the 70's and 80's, those films were made for us. We just assumed that would continue in the 90's (and secretly hope it does with J.J. Abrams at the helm of the new ones). So while I won't be ordering the Phantom Menace special edition Blu-ray anytime soon, I don't take the film as a personal assault against my childhood. At least not in front of girls.

So at the end of the day, it doesn't really matter what Eli Roth thinks with regard to Episode I, due to the fact that he obviously isn't a hateboy anymore. He realizes that their are plenty of folks who love these films, and that George always intended the film to be for kids. So Eli, I want to say personally that  your view on Episode I is forgiven and thank you for not being a hateboy. I wish Simon Pegg and the rest of the crowd, could learn Eli Roth's lesson, someday. 

Top 100 Star Wars Characters 60-51

Folks, my promise of doing one of these every week didn't live up to be reality. For that, I apologize to anyone who has been eagerly waiting for the next 10 characters in my Top 100 list of best Star Wars characters since who knows when. As we move higher into the list, the characters that show up have more and more prominent roles in both the films and The Clone Wars.

To see the previous parts of the Top 100 Star Wars characters click here:

http://thestarwarsdefender.blogspot.com/2013/03/top-star-wars-characters-70-61.html
here: http://thestarwarsdefender.blogspot.com/2013/03/top-100-star-wars-characters-80-71.html
here: http://thestarwarsdefender.blogspot.com/2013/02/top-100-star-wars-characters-90-81.html
here: http://thestarwarsdefender.blogspot.com/2013/02/the-top-100-greatest-star-wars.html

The Wrong Jedi Review

After a depressing week in which I dedicated myself into completing my social service hours in order to graduate from High School, I come to see the conclusion of Season 5. I woke up this morning from a series of weird dreams and nightmares all relating to the episode I just watched, acting as a sort of a premonition to what was about to happen. In all honesty, this was an outcome I did not expect. I mean, has the world gone crazy? First we get that Episode VII is coming out in 2015, now that Ahsoka LEAVES THE JEDI ORDER??????????

This was an unexpected and rather depressing turn of events.While I knew that Ahsoka's fate was inevitably going to be determined at some point, this was the option I least thought possible, and yet it happened. I was in a very tense state the entire episode, and this all became even worse when I realized that Tarkin and most likely Palpatine, where behind the events that led to Ahsoka deciding not to come back to the Order after the trial. At least Obi-Wan was smart in not being in favor with Ahsoka being expelled so that she would face trial.

I can understand Anakin's anger in more than one way, and I guess we all saw in a deeper way why he ended up turning to the dark side. The gargantuous question that we all are thinking right now is, what the hell happens to her now? Does she turn to the dark side and become Count Dooku's apprentice? Does she become a bounty hunter with a conscience, similar to how Sugi is? Does she end up facing Darth Vader at one point after the Clone Wars? Does she help Bo-Katan reconstruct Mandalore? Does she have a romance with Lux Bonteri? Does she end up joining Luke Skywalker's New Jedi Order in Episode VII? Does she live as a hermit with the Ewoks? Which one is it, Dave Filoni?

All of this bogs down eventually to this: This character has been building up in the subconscious of everyone for the past 5 years, becoming more and more of a Jedi as time passed. And now that this bomb was dropped in front of our backyards, what was all that character development for at the end of the day? All of these things remind me of an EU book I read a while back titled Legacy of the Jedi, which was basically focused on the character Lorian Nod, whom was also expelled from the Order at about Ahsoka's age and was a friend of Dooku's. Nod eventually looses his own abilities to use the force, which brings to question, will Ahsoka loose those abilities?

I'm not sure about anything anymore my friends. The matter of the fact is that until I don't see the other part of the story, I can't say if Ahsoka's departure from the Order was a good move at the end of the day. For now, I'm basically like when I first saw Empire, bitterly disappointed. Until I don't see what is at hand next I won't know if I truly liked this ending or not. For now you're all welcome to join me, at the Home of the Blues. link

Return of the Jedi: Why it's my favorite

Of all the Star Wars films, which I all absolutely love by the way, none leave me as satisfied and happy when I end watching them as Return of the Jedi does. It's probably one of the most epic, and it undeniably is the most important tipping point of the Star Wars saga. I think that theirs a reason why Ryder Windham's excellent biographies of Luke, Anakin/Darth Vader and Obi-Wan's all start right before Return of the Jedi, and all of the other movies previous to it act as a flashback: It's ultimately the moment when the final fate of the galaxy is decided. And in a lot of ways, I think it has some of the most memorable scenes of all the films. In particular Yoda's death, Obi-Wan's last talk with Luke, Luke revealing to Leia their parentage, and the whole fight with Darth Vader, Luke and the Emperor, are really among the best in Star Wars.

The movie itself acts as the fulfillment of the prophecy of the Chosen One, and in more general terms, an ultimate battle between good and evil, in which eventually good prevails. It acts as the ending of the story, even if we are going to have three other movies told after this one (Which I hope doesn't screw up the ending of Return of the Jedi).

Many fans tend to complain about how the Ewoks ended up defeating the Empire, but the Ewoks didn't  actually win if you come to think of it. They simply needed to penetrate the shield generator on the forest moon of Endor, and make it explode in order for the second Death Star be destroyed, along with  the important members of the Empire. The Ewoks helped the outcome of the war, but they didn't actually win.

Ultimately the fun of Episode VI is to see how the story comes to its epic conclusion. And for some reason, every time I see the Ghosts of Obi-Wan, Yoda and Anakin smiling and looking at Luke and the others in the end, while the Victory Celebration plays in the background, is just...wonderful. It's one of those moments that I like to live over and over again, and leaves things so nicely wrapped up it makes me incredibly happy to watch it. That is why Star Wars: Episode VI Return of the Jedi, is my personal favorite Star Wars film.

Conflict in Episodes VII-IX

Another of the big mysteries that encompass the next trilogy of Star Wars films, is primarily the part of warfare. Even though the story is titled ''Star Wars'' the Wars part of the title seems to be somewhat out of context when you refer to anything post-Return of the Jedi, despite what the EU shows in that time period. Once you brought balance to the Force, even if your own children have to maintain it, it kind of has to symbolize how the battles that follow will not be the same as the ones previous to it. Let me explain myself better:

When we are introduced to the beginning of the story, Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, the battles were focused on the Gungans fighting off the Trade Federation's droid army. The army was not meant to be a large one, and was mainly used to defend the shipments the federation did. The war here is similar to how in Return of the Jedi, the Ewoks face off against the Empire, in the sense that it's a group of native species to that home planet fighting off a tyrannical regime. By the time we get to Attack of the Clones, Count Dooku has managed to assemble a more powerful and much bigger droid army than the one we saw in Episode I, combining the droids assembled by a series of banks and corporations. At the same time, as part of the Sith Grand Plan, the Jedi become aware of the creation of a Clone Army assembled by the Kaminoans, which had been ordered in secret by Jedi Master Sifo-Dyas ten years earlier. Once the Republic feels in serious danger by the increasing threat of the Separatists, the Senate decides to allow for the use of this Clone Army. So, the beginning of the Clone Wars is in a sense the first full scale war we see in the saga.

The war by the time it meets its conclusion in Episode III, moves quickly from the transition phase of Droids vs Clones, to Clones killing the Jedi. It's much more tragic in scope, and it's somewhat overshadowed by the fights that take place at the end of the movie. Once we get to Episode IV,V and VI, we get to see that the Clone Army has been transformed into a Stormtrooper Army, in which they become a racist, imperialist regime similar to how the Nazi's where in World War II. The Rebel Alliance ends up being composed of the groups of Senators, Governors, Military officers, and the few remaining Jedi whom want to overthrow the Empire and bring back the Republic. The Rebel Alliance eventually manages to defeat the Empire, and with the help of the last of the Jedi, Luke Skywalker, he defeats the Sith.

What the next conflict will be in Star Wars-what it will be called-and which parties will be involved-is anyone's wild guess. If the next stories are much more ethereal in nature than the previous ones, and if we are talking about a time period in which balance to the Force took place previously, it's difficult to see what could happen next. They would obviously have to be different and have an impact that is much less severe to the galaxy, contrary to what we see in the EU.

My Biggest Fear Part 1

I remember that it was a normal Tuesday afternoon, the day before Halloween. I had been reading on my bus that day, the continuous blog posts that the keeper of the Holocron Leland Chee had been adding which listed the show of Star Wars: The Clone Wars in chronological order. I was worried about the fact that my Senior class had decided to dress up as clowns for Halloween, and since I hated clowns, I wasn't sure If I would present myself for Halloween the following day at school. But then, something happened when I opened Twitter that day. Something that would change my life.

I clicked on the link of the tweet without reading exactly what it said, something about 2015 and Disney and Lucasfilm... When I realized it, I was in the fan-based blog TheForce.Net and I was looking at a picture of Disney's CEO Bob Iger shaking hands with George Lucas. Then I happened to read what the post and the picture was all about:

Disney Buying Lucasfilm, Plans New Star Wars Film 

When I first saw all of this and the long thread that followed, talking about the deal and everything, I could not believe what I was seeing. I literally thought that this was some kind of April Fool's Day Thing, and that it wasn't real. Then I went to check on Google-the News was basically everywhere. I literally had to re-check everything to see if it wasn't some kind of joke. I thought that this was all some kind of nightmare and it wasn't true that this has to be some kind of dream. But no. It was all too damn real. I spend the next few days trying to figure out what the deal exactly meant.The worst part of all of this is that  I came to realize, that my worst fear, now had the possibility of becoming a reality: That the stories told in the Star Wars Expanded Universe would end up adapted into a new trilogy of Star Wars films. 

My mind had, for a very long time, settled with the idea that Star Wars was meant to be a Six-part movie series, and that the end in Return of the Jedi, with the Ewoks, the redeemed Anakin Skywalker and the victorious Rebel Alliance was all their would be and that they would live happily ever after. Now I know, that it isn't the end of the story, and that the beautiful ending was only truly the ending for the first six films.  

Thankfully as has been confirmed by Lucasfilm and Disney, the next set of Star Wars films will be an original story, and they won't be based on the books and comics that took place in that time period. In a later post, I will explain why the adaptation of these novels and comics, was and in some ways still is my biggest fear for Star Wars.