The Disappeared Arc

I have to say, this arc has so far been my favorite of the season. It was truly a blast. 

SPOILERS AT YOUR OWN RISK

Top 100 Star Wars Characters 30-21

As we move higher into the list, we begin to see the most important Clone Wars characters, along with the secondary characters of the film series.

To see previous parts of the list, click here: 

here:http://thestarwarsdefender.blogspot.com/2013/02/the-top-100-greatest-star-wars.html 

here: http://thestarwarsdefender.blogspot.com/2013/02/top-100-star-wars-characters-90-81.html

here: http://thestarwarsdefender.blogspot.com/2013/03/top-100-star-wars-characters-80-71.html

here: http://thestarwarsdefender.blogspot.com/2013/03/top-star-wars-characters-70-61.html

here: http://thestarwarsdefender.blogspot.com/2013/05/top-100-star-wars-characters-60-51.html

 here: http://thestarwarsdefender.blogspot.com/2013/06/top-100-star-wars-characters-50-41.html

and here: http://thestarwarsdefender.blogspot.com/2013/07/top-100-star-wars-characters-40-31.html#more

The Birth of the Hateboy Nation: Eli Roth

It's difficult to pinpoint exactly when certain historical events happen. For example, It's difficult to say exactly when the French Revolution came to an end. Some Historians say it ended when Napoleon was crowned Emperor of France, while others assert that it didn't end at that point because France had Monarchs  after the end of Napoleon's rule. In a similar fashion, it's difficult to pinpoint the birth of the Hateboy movement. Some will argue that it all started in 1997, when fans went to see the Special Editions, and they were angered by the changes George Lucas made, in particular the whole ''Han Shot First'' stupidity. Others might say that it really wasn't born until the internet united the haters and made them a powerful force. Regardless of when this Weapon of Mass Destruction was born, it's important to note that perhaps the people most influential in dispersing the seeds of this movement, either intentionally or unintentionally, where the critics who reviewed The Phantom Menace. We know that Roger Ebert liked Phantom Menace,  but other critics like Peter Travers from Rolling Stone didn't. But what most people don't know is that one of the earliest reviews of the film came from none other than Eli Roth, director of horror and violent films, since it was published before the film was ever opened to the public. In several ways, Eli Roth is one of the founding fathers of Hateboy Nation. The term Hateboys, however, was coined several years later by the blog A Certain Point of View.net. 

Once notorious hateboy Mike Ryan from the Huffington Post unearthed this review, We can now see more clearly some of the ''genesis'', the reasons why most hateboys didn't like the prequels and why several at the end of the day, don't really like Star Wars. 

Let's see how it starts: 

Few films in history have had greater anticipation than The Phantom Menace. People have been waiting on line for over a month to get tickets. I know I have been waiting since 5th grade, following every rumor in "Starlog" and on the Internet. So here's the kicker: IT SUCKS. I'm sorry, it does. I know it's sacrilege to criticize George Lucas or the Holy Grail of movie trilogies, but after waiting 16 years I can honestly tell you this film is an unbelievable disappointment. People may say that waiting 16 years for anything will be a disappointment, but I waited 16 years to get laid and that really lived up to all my expectations. Okay, I'm lying, I didn't get laid until I was 18, but you get my point.

Really Eli Roth? Really? Comparing the experience of watching a Star Wars film to sexual intercourse is the lowest form of male primate ritual. Any Star Wars fan that truly loves the films knows that the Star Wars experience is one of pure connection with your soul. It's not a love affair, it has absolutely nothing to do with that. Any person who gets married because they think it's a very long love affair will be divorced very soon, because they all end in disappointment. So in truth, it's no wonder Eli Roth makes this comparison: he probably wasn't enamored with Star Wars in the first place. 

Let's start with the first problem of the movie, the title. What does it mean? I have no idea. Having seen the film, I still have no idea. I'm guessing it's a reference to Anakin Skywalker, but your guess is as good as mine.

This proofs he probably never understood the film in the first place. George Lucas managed to fool him into thinking that Palpatine and Sidious are two different persons, hence the title of the film.

At this point I realized that Han Solo and Chewbacca wouldn't be appearing any time soon, and I got a bit worried. It wasn't the fact that half the film was computer generated and it was starting to look more like A Bug's Life than Star Wars, it was the embarrassing dialogue that Lucas wrote.

The whole argument against Lucas with the ''bad dialogue'' makes you think that they never paid attention to the dialogue of the previous films. It's not meant to be Shakespeare, it's meant to sound big and epic and so forth. How could Han Solo show up if he was just a baby? Weren't we supposed to see a different story? Simply because Chewie doesn't show up, it doesn't mean its a bad film. After all, the Star Wars universe is pretty big. Apparently Eli Roth didn't bother to notice that the film was shot in Tunisia and in Italy, for Tatooine and Naboo, nor did he realize that Coruscant had to be CGI because their was no other way around it. So anyway, that argument is completely invalid. 

Imagine the worst aspects of Jedi--the Ewoks--exploited in mass form and forced upon you throughout the entire film. I was cringing every second Jar Jar was on screen.

And yet Eli Roth said that he loved the Ewoks recently, in the Return of Return of the Jedi video. Is he just making up excuses simply because the prequel hatred bandwagon is based out of emotion and not facts? 

In Phantom Menace, when a ship crashes during a race, an ESPN-type announcer says "I don't care what planet you're from, that's gotta hurt!" Is that supposed to be funny? Whereas the previous films were based heavily on Greek mythology, this film is based on popular culture.

Again, Eli Roth ignores the fact that Episode I is the most influenced by Akira Kurosawa's The Hidden Fortress, as he ignores that Anakin's early stages of his hero journey is very similar to Luke's. So much for Joseph Campbell, whose influence is as much, if not more, visible in this film than in A New Hope. What about the virgin birth? What about Darth Maul, who clearly resembles Satan? And what about Qui-Gon? Did nobody notice how similar he is to Obi-Wan in Episode IV? I could go on.

And finally, Eli Roth's prediction of the future comes true, to a certain extent at least: 

I was so angry after the film I wanted to punch someone in the face. I was tempted to go to Hollywood Boulevard, outside Mann's Chinese Theatre, and scream to the crowd who have been sleeping outside since March: "It sucks. Go home. Go back to your non-existent lives! It sucks!" I have a feeling that there will be riots in the streets when this film comes out. Star Wars fans will be so shocked and appalled that they will harass George Lucas into seclusion, and he'll get so pissed off he'll just say "fuck it" and chuck the whole thing. Or he could play it smart and stick to writing the story and leave the dialogue to people who actually know what they're doing.

What is true is that for the years that followed, a small but annoying group of ''fans'' have been doing everything in their power to discredit George Lucas and his films. The funny thing is that the guy who prophecied everything is apparently no longer a hateboy anymore. At the same time that this got unearthed, Mike Ryan contacted Eli Roth, and he has some things to say that distinguish him from the guy who wrote this review in 99. 

I wrote that review very much in the style of my all time favorite movie review, which Steve Martin wrote in his book "Cruel Shoes" as a 'rejected New Yorker submission' reviewing "Alien," where he admits to falling asleep in the film and not remembering anyone's names. I knew Jordan Hoffman from NYU and had written a screenplay for him when he was working for Andrew Lauren (son of Ralph, who was producing at the time), and so Jordan asked me to write that and credited me as "Hollywood screenwriter," despite the fact I had never done anything in the business. I didn't really worry about making enemies because I was dead certain nobody I mention in the review would ever read it. Oops. Now I know the people at Skywalker and they're so nice and invite me to all kinds of Star Wars events, but I'm guessing that now that you've unearthed this treasure I won't be on their Christmas list, despite my enduring love for Star Wars.  

Now I look back at that review and all I can say is, I'm so happy I have a life now. Having received similar scathing reviews (and worse ones), I read it and laugh and realize that the only crime against cinema was getting that upset at a movie that was never intended for me. I've met so many young people who love the "new" Star Wars films, because that's who they were made for. Thinking that George Lucas made "The Phantom Menace" for me is symptomatic of my entire generation who grew up with Star Wars, because as kids in the 70's and 80's, those films were made for us. We just assumed that would continue in the 90's (and secretly hope it does with J.J. Abrams at the helm of the new ones). So while I won't be ordering the Phantom Menace special edition Blu-ray anytime soon, I don't take the film as a personal assault against my childhood. At least not in front of girls.

So at the end of the day, it doesn't really matter what Eli Roth thinks with regard to Episode I, due to the fact that he obviously isn't a hateboy anymore. He realizes that their are plenty of folks who love these films, and that George always intended the film to be for kids. So Eli, I want to say personally that  your view on Episode I is forgiven and thank you for not being a hateboy. I wish Simon Pegg and the rest of the crowd, could learn Eli Roth's lesson, someday. 

Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones

Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones continues the story that was begun and established with Phantom Menace. George Lucas was determined to continue, regardless of what the critics and the public thought about it. 

The film takes place ten years after the events of Phantom Menace. It's drawn significantly closer to the inevitable events that will spell doom to several of our heroes. Palpatine, now having been Chancellor of the Republic for a decade, has every intention of furthering his quest for total and unlimited power. While the deeper implications of how the Sith Grand Plan is enacted are talked about in Star Wars: Darth Plagueis, we know that Sidious has taken at this point a new apprentice, Count Dooku, or known now as the Sith Lord Darth Tyranus. Tyranus was once a Jedi, none other than the master of Qui-Gon Jinn. The death of his apprentice, combined with a lack of faith in the Jedi Order and the ongoing corruption in the Senate convinced Dooku to join the dark side.

Dooku has every intention of ruling the galaxy with an iron fist along his master. Too bad for him that his fate was already sealed once he became the apprentice of Sidious. Palpatine only needed Dooku until Anakin was old enough to be turned to the dark side. Anakin was to be the ''Ultimate Sith''.

Palpatine has only one goal in the entire film: start the Clone Wars. Dooku has already become the leader of the Separatists and has seceded thousands of systems from the Republic. Sifo-Dyas had already created the Clone Army under the request of Hego Damask (Darth Plagueis) and had been assasinated by Dooku shortly after the creation. Dooku then went off to erase Kamino from the Jedi Archives, in order to keep the army a secret until the time was right.

As more and more Senators become aware of the army the Separatists are building and the threat they  pose to the Republic, the Military Creation Act starts to take strength, since the Jedi aren't enough in numbers to protect the Republic. Padme, now Senator of Naboo, goes to Coruscant to be against the act, when her ship is bombed after landing. This leads to a chain of events that make Obi-Wan go to Kamino and find out who is the mysterious bounty hunter sent to murder Amidala. He leaves his apprentice, Anakin Skywalker, to escort Senator Amidala back to Naboo, in order to make him go in an assignment of his own.

What follows is a nice backdrop between a romantic, beautiful, almost dream-like scenes involving Anakin and Padme, and a more mysterious and dark tone to the story, as Obi-Wan seeks to unravel the mystery of the assasination attempt, which leads him to the clone army in Kamino and the discovery of the bounty hunter Jango Fett. He realizes that their is more going on that what can be perceived, and in a desperate chase to get some answers from Jango, he tracks him down all the way to the droid foundries of Geonosis. Obi-Wan gets confirmation of the creation of the droid army and every intention they have in attacking and overwhelming the Jedi. This is when Palpatine tricks Jar Jar into helping him, as he gains emergency powers and authorizes the use of the recently discovered clone army.

Anakin is still the only hope the galaxy has of being saved, but things only appear to get more complicated for him. His inability to save his mother from death makes him go through fear, anger, hatred and suffering. His love for Padme and his obligations to the Jedi Order only make him more conflicted in the inside.

As Obi-Wan, Anakin and Padme are about to be executed, a series of events to save them occur, all of them leading to the start of the Clone Wars. Dooku returns secretly to an abandoned warehouse in Coruscant and meets with his master. Palpatine has accomplished his goal. While Obi-Wan is happy that the Clone Army gave the Republic a victory, Yoda realizes that the shroud of the dark side keeps falling, and that the Sith have some involvement in these series of events. Anakin and Padme quietly get married next to a beautiful lake, looking at the sunset.

Attack of the Clones is a lot like it's predecessor, with the exception that this story is darker but at the same time, it's more hopeful. Another great Star Wars film that get's bashed more for emotional reasons than anything else. It's still remembered rather well, by folks like me how went to see it in theaters when they were 8.

Finest Moments of the Film:

1. Yoda and the Younglings. It's one of the most innocent parts of the film, and certainly a great one.

2. When Obi-Wan and Lama-Su see the clone army training, followed later by Jango's duel with Obi-Wan. One of the best fights in the saga.

3. When Anakin is on his speeder bike and Duel of the Fates plays. It makes you think of the conflict he feels himself.

4. The scene where Jar Jar gives emergency powers to Palpatine. The speech he gives is so inspiring, it makes you believe for a few seconds that he has good intentions. Almost.

5. The fight in the arena on Geonosis, followed by Yoda's fight with Count Dooku. I always imagined that Yoda was an excellent swordsman before I saw the film.

6. The marriage of Anakin and Padme. If you don't think that's romantic, I don't know what is.

Rating: 10/10

Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace

Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace is an excellent film. Perhaps the best of the prequel trilogy. No really, it is. No apologies to the hateboys.

George Lucas decided to start writing the new Star Wars trilogy on November 1, 1994. The screenplay was adapted from a 15-page outline written in 1976. Ultimately he was aiming for a story set in the same universe as Episodes IV, V and VI, but he obviously needed to tell it from a different point of view. The same thing that inspired him to make the previous films helped make this one. 

We are introduced to the source of evil that manages to manipulate the events of the entire saga. Although explained in greater detail in Star Wars: Darth Plagueis, We learn that Palpatine secretly the evil Sith Lord Darth Sidious is instigating an evil, very evil plan that has been in the making for a millenia: To crown himself as ruler of the galaxy, and destroy democracy and the Jedi Order from within. This film makes it much more clear that the ''Wars'' in the ''Star Wars'' title is far more than simply droids vs Gungans, droids vs clone troopers and stormtroopers vs rebels: The real fight is between the cosmic forces of the dark side and light side of the force, more specifically, the most powerful users of each, the Jedi and the Sith.

The Jedi are at their height, but at the same time, they have little understanding of who or what is behind the Trade Federations motivation to invade Naboo. After a short, but intense confrontation between Qui-Gon Jinn and Darth Maul, Qui-Gon comes to the unequivocal conclusion that the mysterious tattooed zabrak warrior is indeed a Sith Lord. The Jedi Council at that moment, realizes that this trade blockade, is much more serious than they had first thought. Ultimately, they know it's a Sith who was behind everything, they just don't know which Sith.

That's when we turn to Palpatine. He has only one goal in the entire film: to go from being Senator of Naboo to Supreme Chancellor of the Republic. Queen Amidala, as said by Sidious himself is ''young and naive'' and will do what it takes to save her people. Sadly, saving her people ended up making possible a scenario beyond the worst fears of any of the heroes.

Despite the mysterious dark forces that are conspiring against our heroes, hence the title ''The Phantom Menace'', the galaxy still has hope of being saved, by none other than the hands of a 9-year old slave  named Anakin Skywalker, whom lives with his mother in the backwater and hostile desert world of Tatooine.

Qui-Gon is the Jedi who realizes not only that the Sith are behind the entire blockade, but that this boy is the prophecied ''Chosen One''- an ancient Jedi prophecy that spoke of a being that would bring balance to the Force and destroy the Sith. The rest of the Jedi Council is nevertheless skeptical of Qui-Gon's claims, fearing instead the clouded future that is in store, and not realizing that they could have stopped this menace if their minds had been on the ''here and now''. It does bring to question what would have happened had Qui-Gon not died at the hands of Darth Maul. Would he have stopped young Anakin from becoming the fearsome Darth Vader? Would he have seen that Palpatine was a soul of irreparable evil that really didn't have the best interest of the people? The only thing that we know for sure is that Qui-Gon knew the outcome of the entire thing before it had even begun.

The beauty of Phantom Menace lies on the fact that it deals with an incredibly evil plot from the side of the villain, yet it tells a relatively straightforward and fun adventure. That is perhaps one of Lucas's greatest gifts: despite the fact that Star Wars deals with complex and dark themes, it ultimately is a story that is engulfed with a hopeful and positive message. Few other franchises manage to have that chemistry and in fact, most tend to slip towards the side of darkness too far in.

The story introduces us to great villains, Sidious and Maul, a wise and powerful mentor, Qui-Gon, a arrogant yet far more mature for his age Obi-Wan Kenobi, a beautiful and strong willed Queen Amidala, a young and nice Anakin and the stooge that is Jar Jar Binks. I do have to admit however, that Obi-Wan became my favorite Star Wars character when I first watched this film in 1999, primarily at that point because he defeated Darth Maul. Nowadays, my reasoning is more complex.

Ultimately, we all knew that Phantom Menace was going to be huge from the day it got announced, even if today a portion of Star Wars ''fans'' (hateboys), apparently have nothing better to do and continue to bash a film they should have moved on from a long time ago.

For the fans who actually liked this film, and to the new generation that was introduced to Star Wars by this film (including myself), Phantom Menace stands as proof that Star Wars is a multi-generational film saga, something that can't be said for other franchises.

Finest Moments of the Film:

1. The beginning of the film: When Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon talk about the Living Force, and Nute Gunray, petrified, talks to Sidious about the Jedi who have come as ambassadors. The action that follows sets the film to a great start.

2. The introduction to the underwater city of Otoh Gunga. Truly one of those Star Wars moments when you ''experience the wonder''.

3. The Podrace. One of the most memorable moments of the saga.

4. Anakin's farewell to his mother Shmi. It stands out as one of the saddest moments of the film, and also one of the most tragic in retrospect, if we know what happens later.

5. The Duel with Darth Maul, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan. Probably the best lightsaber fight of all six films.

Rating: 10/10

The Top 100 Greatest Star Wars characters- 100-91

I wanted to create a list of what I personally considered to be the Top 100 Greatest Star Wars Characters. This particularly came to my mind once I saw the Top 100 Star Wars Characters in IGN and I noticed the prevalence that the EU and Episodes IV-VI had over the Clone Wars and Episodes I-III was astonishing. It seemed to me as if they were pleasing the hateboy nation by NOT including Jar Jar, and such. So, in order to bring more justice to this ranking, I decided to create my own, one in which the characters of both trilogies are of equal consideration, and have a level of prevalence to the Clone Wars, due to the fact that well, they ARE the films. One thing you will not see here will be EU characters set in the times of the Old Republic and characters set after Return of the Jedi. I want to concentrate on the time-period close to the films as much as possible.

Anyway, it is very likely that you will not find some characters that maybe you think deserve to be on the list, and others that you think don't deserve to be in it at all. And even though this is a personal list, I in no way tried to be biased by my favorite characters and such when making up this list, but tried to follow them more on story importance and other factors. If you disagree with any ranking, feel free to discuss it here, respectfully of course.

My Biggest Fear Part 2

One morning, I believe it was the first of November or so, My friends were asking me about what I thought of the upcoming Star Wars Episode 7. I told them that I was worried that the movie might end up screwing up everything, and one of my friends went ahead and decided to say, ''they can't screw it up like they did in the Prequels. Doing it more horrible than that is almost impossible''. Obviously I ignored his blatantly ignorant comment, since in all honesty, the arguments of why the Prequels were bad are so filled with nonsense, that they get to the point of annoyance. If any of you don't like the prequels I respect your opinion, but seriously, don't bring up arguments about Jar Jar Binks, or the acting, or anything subjective that has been said over a million times before. 

Anyway, the main reason why I feared for my life the EU being adapted into the Sequel Trilogy is pretty simple: Those stories depress the heck out of me, and honestly they have so many plot holes and bad stories in them that if they were to be adapted into the movies, I would probably not even show up at the theatre. The stories depicted in the books, comics, video games and other media set after Return of the Jedi, Are in general stories that aim at violating the fundamental principles of Star Wars that George Lucas set up in the first place. 

The prophecy of the Chosen One, as said by the movies and by George Lucas himself in the commentaries of the DVD's in Revenge of the Sith, explained that even after Anakin turned himself into the Sith Lord Darth Vader, that he indeed fulfilled the prophecy by destroying the Emperor and himself, and therefore, the Sith were set to be destroyed. Which pretty much means that the Sith should not come back. But hey, they did in the comic series Dark Empire, in which Palpatine is reborn in a clone of his and Luke turns to the dark side!! So much for the prophecy. 

And anyway not only does Emperor Palpatine come back, but so do the Sith in general, I don't know how, in the stories and books that follow starting with Han and Leia's oldest son. So pretty much that is enough to have gotten plenty of fans of the movies (guys like me) extremely angry. Not only that, but the fact that the Empire somehow never collapsed (don't ask me) and somehow stormtroopers are running around well after the destruction of the Death Star in Endor. Why didn't they sign an armistice, for crying out loud? 

I don't think that going further into all of this is actually going to satisfy anyone and it will only upset me even more. Their is one more point I would like to make anyway: 

I don't hate entirely the EU. I think that a lot of the things that appear in this books are very interesting, but in particular the interesting stories are the ones which are set either in-between or before the movies do to the fact that George Lucas vision is far more closely seen and it's somewhat significantly valued. I don't see that in the EU set after Episode 6. I've never read any of it, but simply by taking a glimpse at Wookieepedia to see what it was about is enough to have depressed me for a long time. 

For a long time I was happy about the fact that their would be no Sequel Trilogy, and that apparently if George Lucas hasn't changed his mind, then perhaps, we won't see any of these fetid feces adapted into any movies: 

 "I've left pretty explicit instructions for there not to be any more features. There will definitely be no Episodes VII–IX. That's because there isn't any story. I mean, I never thought of anything. And now there have been novels about the events after Episode VI, which isn't at all what I would have done with it. The Star Wars story is really the tragedy of Darth Vader. That is the story. Once Vader dies, he doesn't come back to life, the Emperor doesn't get cloned and Luke doesn't get married..."-George Lucas, Total Film, May 2008.

The good news that came out recently, is that, As I said before, Lucasfilm and Disney have apparently both confirmed that the next series of movies won't be based out of any work in the EU, but will instead be an ''original story''. 

The only thing that I think still floats inside my mind like a gigantic question mark is what will happen then to Heir to the Empire, and all of those books and comics made in that time period? Will they be deemed as non-canon, in order to give space to what actually happens in the movies? Or will they end up creating an alternative universe, in which all of these stories are considered canon but simply are all automatically divided into two universes, one in which all the EU stories before this decision of new movies finds itself, and the other in which the movies and related content to those movies take place? The latter I think would be a best choice since it wouldn't get as many EU fans angry as would the other choice, and it would allow for much more space and freedom for George Lucas to set up those stories like they were originally intended it to be, not what the EU intended it to be in the first place.

Future updates and continuous speculation will come as we get more information.